Me and my wife were driving down the road when we saw a fit blonde jogging by. "That''s what I should be doing", I said. "What, jogging?" she replied. "No, her."
I've just been to the shops and stole some lovely king prawns in a garlic and herb butter, an 8oz fillet steak with creamy pepper sauce, and a luxury rich black forest gateaux. I am not just a thief....
Officials in Norway have revised the death toll from the terrorist attacks down from 93 to 76. They must have a fucking good health service over there.
My solicitor sent me an email to sayear Jon, I thought I saw you in the high street yesterday. I crossed the street to say hello, but it wasn't you. One tenth of an hour: £33.00. Ted.
What kind of a ridiculous fucking name is that that Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy have given their son, "Bing"? My son Google pissed himself laughing when I told him.
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth fairy etc. Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that shit anymore, thank God.
"Why do people say burnt 'out'?" I wondered. "A building can't be burnt 'in', so I don't see the point in saying it really.""I'll ask you again," the fireman said urgently. "In which room of the house is your wife trapped?"